Viva! Le Chuck!

Another blog episode! This is another installment of “spanking” another guy like I did with Robin, the Boy Wonder in my previous post.

I found it very interesting to learn some of the unsolved mysteries of this world.  Thus, I chose this  unsolved mystery human being for yours truly to spank with.

Here’s another dose of life’s greatest unsolved mysteries: “The Chuck Norris Saga.”  

 Now, don’t get me wrong with the spanking business, Carlos Ray Norris Jr. (better known to the world as “Chuck Norris”) happens to be one of my all time favorite action hero.

He comes out guns blazing in “Missing In Action” to riding them motorbikes punishing terrorists in “Delta Force” to the cowboy riding without the brokeback malice in “Walker: Texas Ranger” to being idolized by a wannabe martial arts kid in “Side Kicks.”

Overall, the guy is primo “101% pure power-beefed up-money back-guaranteed-walking assault- lethal weapon-of a man!” 

But there are things that I noticed about Chuckie’s movies, which is somewhat of a mystery as well.

Let’s start dissecting them in no particular order: 

1. He doesn’t die in almost all of his movies. (That’s like viewing one hundred or so of his movies, and clearly he did not die in any of those movies!)

2. Holy! Fist of Fury! He did die fighting Bruce Lee in the movie “Way of the Dragon” right? (It doesn’t count! Since he didn’t die in the line of duty as a soldier! Geez! give the guy a break!)

3. He either portrays a has-been soldier, a sergeant mc coy!, a colonel braddock, a walker texas ranger, or some commando. (With the exception of “Side Kicks” where he played a martial arts master. Finally! no guns for this prime stud)

4. His methods of martial arts moves are either disarming his opponents with his famous “chuckie chops” or using his ”chuckie” side kicks to knock them teeths down.

5. His awesome “never-leave-home-without-it” Chuck Norris hairstyle.  (Yup, it’s gotta be the hair mon, gotta be the hair!)

6. His favorite choice of weapons are either an Uzi or one of them big o’l guns that really hurt like s#$% (Even Granny Goose would go gaga over this awesome display of fire power!!)

7. His unlimited hairy or so chest hairs! (Geez! That’s weird, now where did this come from?!)

8.  How he doesn’t break a sweat just by swatting them flies or mosquitoes in seconds. (Okay, that one I made that up. Although it’ll make a good scene right? Mr. Miyagi hello?!)

9. His clearly patented ”chuckie” beard ( See number 7 for the reason!)

10. Lastly, his fetish for headbands everytime he kicks some major arse! (Yup, the guy is fond of wearing these in some of his movies! It’s true..oh yes it’s true!!)

Now you know what I think about Chuck Norris, try visiting this website: www.chucknorrisfacts.com  to learn more what others think about him.

Till the next blog, I’m outta here before O’l Chuck decides to spank me with his almighty kicks!

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